A World of Stories

 I can't help but think what would happen  if I was not the best friend but instead the lover who comes to sweep you off your feet.  Would you see me as more than a reliable old friend  or would we just be two people existing in the same space  never talking.  I can't help but wonder if I ever had a chance  or if you were always destined to fall in love with the stranger  who rolls into town and has an instant connection with you.    

 I hate you I hate you I hate you  but I don't know how I would live  if you were not there fighting against me.  I can't stand the sight of you  but what would I do if I could never see you again.  I hate that you know more about me than anyone should  and that you are the only person I know will show up in my life.  I hate that I know what your fists feel like against my skin  and that I wonder what a gentle touch would feel like.   

 They all tell me to leave you  but they don't understand what their asking  how can I abandon a lifetime of memories  a lifetime of adventures  of waiting at home for you with dinner warming in the oven.  They all tell me to leave you  because they only see the bruises   and the tears each time I realize that I'm losing you as you don't come home for dinner   and spend our anniversary with the other woman.  They all tell me to leave you  and they tell me about her  who is the same age I was when we meet  but is far more beautiful than I could ever hope to be.  They don't understand that I know about her, her name, the car she drives, the places you two meet in secret.   But how am I meant to be the one who leaves   when being your partner and our children's mother is all that I know?  How can I survive in a world that I have never known  all because you decided not to love me a...

 I wait with my pen tapping against a blank page Nothing So I walk around my small room and open my mind to the possibilities Nothing. I turn on the tv and off my music and then try the reverse till finally I find silence Nothing comes. The people outside keep demanding something new they can obsess over Nothing. I shut the blinds tightly turn off all the lights and sit in the darkness till they leave and I can hear myself think Nothing. I laugh, cry, scream, punch, and kick at the smooth white walls just waiting for a burst of color to write with Nothing. I do everything to convince my brain, heart, and hand to connect and create anything Nothing. The desire to create something is going to drive me insane but still Nothing. So I sit and let myself drift into something and then Finally, the seeds of something are sown.

 I'm not nice enough to not scream I told you so. And I would,  but my jaw is clenched shut  and the pain of it is driving me mad.  And I would  but the weight of despair  has not quite the anger through.  But don't worry it comes through in waves  so that I ruin everyone else's day  when they don't understand  that I can't  give a smile when each time  breaking news shows up on my feed my stomach drops out from under me.  Because I told you so and you didn't listen, you didn't care,  or maybe you just didn't believe it would get this bad.  But we all told you so  and at least I'm not the one who has  to live with the guilt that.